Photos: Lucy Drewelow
Interview: Summer Orban
When people talk about coming out, we often imagine one grand announcement and Ok! It’s done! But the truth is, we come out over and over and over again, to different people, in different spaces. It’s a journey, right? We might also come out as any number of different orientations as we wander this meandering and sometimes bamboozling path towards understanding our sexual identity and orientation. You might come out as bi.. then gay .. then .. straight.. then .. non binary.. then bi again, forever.. and ever…
This month we’re talking to Jessie Paege, the 26 year old YouTuber, musician, and LGBTQ+ advocate. Formerly identifying as bi, Jessie ready to say out loud to her (4.2Million) friends and fans, who have been with her on a decade of sharing her life online: She’s a huge lesbian! And she’s *almost* too gay to function. She reflects on the emotional complexities of her journey, the impact of assumptions, and her perspective on bisexuality. Jessie’s story sheds light on the need to normalize queerness while celebrating individual authenticity. Read on for more.
Salty: How do you identify?
Jessie: I am a proud lesbian woman who uses she/her pronouns.
Salty: Can you walk us through your journey coming to identify as a lesbian?
Jessie: I began my coming out journey by announcing my bisexuality in 2018. I’ve had experience dating men, which you can imagine only strengthened my feelings toward women. Just a year since coming out, I found those feelings overpowering the ones I had toward men; emotionally connecting with sapphic people just felt more natural to me. When I moved to Florida, I couldn’t find a safe queer space to fully explore my sexuality and forced myself to abide by the heteronormative expectation of dating men. I’m so happy to finally share my true self with the world. There’s a lot of discourse around bisexuality.
“Bisexual women are told that their interest
in women only exists to satisfy the male gaze. It’s just another way that women’s experiences are minimized in comparison to men’s.”
Salty: What do you say to people who say bisexuality is a stop gap to gay?
Jessie: I find the idea of a “bisexuality stop gap” to be inherently queerphobic. It places the LGBTQ+ experience into a false binary: like either you’re gay or you’re straight. In my experience, bisexual men are also treated differently than bisexual women are. While the “stop gap” narrative is often applied to men, bisexual women are told that their interest in women only exists to satisfy the male gaze. It’s just another way that women’s experiences are minimized in comparison to men’s.
Salty: You have touched a bit on people have assumed you weren’t straight growing up. How did that have an impact on your coming out journey, if at all?
Jessie: I mean, how didn’t they know? My closet was basically glass, you could see right through it! Pride was my favorite season. Even when a photo of me at a Pride festival went viral, I was only out as an LGBTQ+ ally. People so harshly accused me of queerbaiting that I felt forced to come out. But when I finally did come out, they scoffed and said they saw it coming.The world automatically assumes you’re cis and straight no matter how ‘obvious’ your queerness may be. My journey is one example of a much greater need for queerness to be normalized while simultaneously celebrated.
Salty: Any tips or advice for bisexuals who think they might be gay?
Jessie: There’s no ‘right’ way to be bisexual. You don’t even need to have a bisexual dating experience to know you’re queer. As long as you can do so safely, let yourself experiment and explore.
”I prefer to date people who’ve never seen my videos before — it feels more natural that way.
Salty: Does being a public figure affect your dating experiences at all?
Jessie: While having the platform I do is a huge privilege, it can make dating a bit awkward. Sometimes the other person knows things about me before I’ve had the chance to share them myself. I prefer to date people who’ve never seen my videos before — it feels more natural that way.
Salty: What are some things you do to feel sexy?
Jessie: I love wearing clothes that show off the parts of my body I love the most. As you can probably tell from my online content, I love showing off my ass in bright mini dresses and tailored suits. It changes day-by-day.
Salty: Figuring out your sexuality can be a lifelong journey for some people, how do you be kind to yourself along the way?
Jessie: Surrounding yourself with queer community is the best thing you can do. They’ll guide you and create space for you to explore who you are.
