Written by Cash Arro
An average girl growing up, I played all kinds of sports and was heavily involved in school. I was on the football team, weight lifting team, and even the step team; a jack of all trades. My skin was like any other regular teens and my whole life I weighed 120ish pounds, I was slim slim.
It wasn’t until I was in my late year of 18 that I realized I never had gotten pregnant or even a scare. Yes I was 18 going on 19 but I also was sexually active with my boyfriend and there was that one time he didn’t pull out… I didn’t even get worried, I just waited for that positive pregnancy test… but it never came. So I went to the doctors, and that’s when he tried to describe something to me…. I say “something” because it only did I have NO IDEA what the fuck he was talking about, I don’t think he had a clue either lol. He told me, women who ovulate form a Pearl ball and I formed a pearl necklace….. I was sooo confused, then he basically said you can’t have kids right now and you might need help being able to get pregnant later. I was like OKAY PERFECTTTTT. But was it really perfect?
FAST FORWARD, I’m now 24, I’m in love and I’m happy as ever. Then my face starts breaking out in acne, but not just little bumps here and there, I’m talking full fledge cystic acne. I was so embarrassed I tried everything. I changed the way I ate, I changed my skin care routine because I had none, I tried it all. Nothing was working, it also didn’t help that now my period was overstaying her welcome by weeks. She was even coming in heavier. I just thought maybe it’s normal… but I mean really what the fuck is normal about a 2 week period sometimes 3 and changing pads / tampons almost every 2 hours. Not to mention the influx of acne on my face. Luckily for me my boyfriend at the time was very supportive so it wasn’t a huge hit to myself esteem but it was still hard. I was a model since the age of 17 and now my money maker is being destroyed by acne. Not to mention now I’m gaining weight.
Now I’m 25/26 and I decide to take action, I get online and I GOOGLE my symptoms and BAM!!!
PCOS!!!! Poly cystic ovarian syndrome pops up on my screen, I mean the symptoms were spot on, even some I noticed but didn’t correlate, like the newly found chin hairs, the mood swings, and the cyst on my ovaries I was made aware of when I fainted a few months prior. Finally I found name to go with what I’ve been dealing with.
Poly cystic ovarian syndrome is a silent killer, figurative, physically, and emotionally. It’s a hormonal imbalance which can affect 1 in 5 women… and here I was the one in 5.
I suffer from cyst on my ovaries
Infertility
Weight gain
Hirsutism
Cystic acne
Mood swings
Sleep deprivation
Depression
Diabetes
And I’m even susceptible to cancer which is fucking scary.
For the longest I hid my acne by dosing myself in foundation, wearing hats, my hair across my face, I went from an easy 120 pounds to 186 Stagnant. I have more then 4 cyst on my ovaries and when they rupture just pray you don’t feel them, unfortunately for me I fainted at work due to it. My legs sometimes hurt so bad from being pre diabetic that I have to take one of those fun electric carts in Walmart… people starts at me and roll their eyes, my coworkers don’t understand why during my time of the month I have to call off or sit down for a few mins.
My friends are just now understanding why it sometimes takes Jesus himself to get me out of my house due to the severe depression. Things out of my control I don’t even want to be this person but I am. People look at me and say “well you don’t look sick”, and I be like “ok bitch and you don’t look dumb?” Tf! So annoying.
So now forward to almost 2019
I’m now an advocate for PCOS, not just for my tired self but for hundreds of women who find my page and feel compelled to tell me their stories and thank me for telling mine! I’m an open book to save others from feeling outcasted, depressed or suicidal. Some women dream of having children and might not ever get that chance due to this nasty thing, but I try to help them focus on the important things in life, and also tell them that surrogacy and adoption are still an option!
So many women are unaware of symptoms because they haven’t done much research after the doctors scared them half to death with their uneducated guesses on PCOS. Some women have all the symptoms but just like I once was, thought it was gonna go away within a few months or a year… some women have Thanked me because they said if it wasn’t for my instagram they would have never stepped foot into the doctors to tell them they think they have PCOS!!!!!
It’s a hard hard pill to swallow, it’s hard knowing the weight doesn’t want to come off and I have to work twice as hard to get it off, fuck that. I love how I look, I love my thickness, fat or not I own this shit!
The acne on my face is with me forever and I’ll be okay, I stopped over wearing foundation and learned to love myself completely. I learned to tie my hair up and stop using it as a crutch to hide my imperfections. I’m a BAD ASS! Long period, short periods, excess hair on my face etc! This is ME!!!!! I want women all around the world with PCOS to understand it’s a battle but one we can win and one we won’t ever be defeated in!