I’ve gotten really good at sending myself love notes. It started when I was living alone in the big empty house my fiancé and I had bought together. He called it off before he even moved in. I spent weekends buying and painting thrift store furniture to help stage the house for sale, the house we had just purchased. It was a depressing time. To cheer myself, in the drawers and furniture backs I painted hearts and xo’s. I’d forget I’d painted them and when I’d see them again, it would bring a tiny jolt of joy — something I much needed.
I started expanding the idea by leaving clandestine love messages in all sorts of places — clothing, email, in a cupboard. I found they helped me reprogram the negative, sad thoughts in my head — like you are destined to be alone or something must be terribly wrong with you — with more positive ones. If I came across a message that said, Hey gorgeous, my head lifted a little higher. They made a difference. It mattered less that he didn’t love me. I loved me.
Turns out I had science on my side. Positive thinking and self-talk, comes with a host of health benefits according to the Mayo Clinic, including big ones like living longer and increased resistance to illness. Over time, my love note habit has not only been fun but it has made me happier. I like the idea that it has helped me be healthier too.
You can keep the messages simple and short, or pull-out the craft table and make masterpieces with those scraps of pretty paper you have been squirreling away for years. Or get some wine and snacks and invite friends over for a love note party.
11 Ways to Send Yourself Love Notes
Schedule Yourself an Email.
Big day coming up? Annual review? Divorce? Awkward family Thanksgiving? Gift your future self a burst of love by scheduling an email to be sent the morning of your big day. What would your future self like to hear? “You are stronger than you think. Everything is going to be okay. I promise. Xoxoxo.”
Name Your iphone Alarms.
Give your morning alarm a title. “Time to get up, Sunshine”. A little kindness will be a sparkly start to your day.
In Your Suitcase.
The next time you travel, tuck messages into your socks or sexy nightie that say “You are magical in every city” or “Have you seen yourself from behind lately? You look AHHHmazing!”
In Your Coat pockets.
Who doesn’t love to reach into their pocket and pull out a note that says, “Wow, you impress me. Keep going you fucking queen.”
Inside Your Glove compartment.
Precisely because you rarely open your glove compartment is why it’s such a great place for a secret note. By the time you find it, you will have completely forgotten about leaving it. Imagine if the next time you reached for your owner’s manual you got this tiny bit of love: “You can go as fast or slow as you want. You are awesome at every speed. Plus, you look great in the rearview” or “Wow, you have a fantastic singing voice.”
In Your Passwords.
Time to reset your password? How about choosing something to highlight the superstar that you are: UrSFSmRT@24 or RCkSTaR200%!!!
Send Yourself a Postcard.
Next time you see that rack of postcards at a tourist shop, pick up a few to mail to yourself. Postage costs are less than mailing letters and postcards have the visual bling and just enough space for a short note like, “Sending you love across the miles Love, me. P.S. It’s hard to believe someone so smart could also be so funny. P.S.S. xoxoxo.”
Add a Line on Your To do lists.
If you are a maker of lists, give yourself a line item. I usually make a Monday work to-do list at the end of my Friday workday and end with a note like this: “I hope you have a wonderful day, beautiful.”
Inside Your Meds.
When you have a headache, wouldn’t it be nice to see this note tucked into your Tylenol? “I’m sorry you are not feeling well. I hope you feel better soon.”
Online checkout.
When you are in the online checkout the question is asked, Is this a gift? The answer is always YES. That toilet paper and toothpaste will feel like presents when they come with a message like: “Hello beautiful, I hope you have a wonderful day” or “I hope you bought a fire extinguisher too, because you are HOT!”
Fridge. Give your crisper drawer an update with a colorful message at the bottom. Pull out your markers and write You are fresh and delicious, and finish it off with contact paper so it can be resilient, just like you. When the drawer is empty of lettuce, it will still be chock-full of love.
It wasn’t easy for me to use such sweet words at the beginning. I was mad at myself for my failed relationship. In the quiet, I said mean things to myself that nobody else could hear. But it was precisely in that quiet where I needed to change the conversation. After all, how could I expect anyone to love me more than I could love myself?
I have a life partner now and he gives me love notes all the time and tells me what a beautiful person he thinks I am. That doesn’t stop me from saying that to myself.
If you haven’t received any notes today, here’s one for you: Hello you brilliant beam of light. You are fucking perfect. xoxo
About the Author:
Mary Christine Kane lives in Saint Paul, Minn. Her writing has appeared or is forthcoming in HuffPost, The Sun Magazine, Cream City Review, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Mocking Heart Review, Streetlight Magazine and elsewhere. Between the stars where you are lost is the title of her poetry chapbook. She can be found online at marychristinekane.com.